Mortal Kombat 11 arrives this week, marking the 27th year of ultra-violent games in the beloved franchise's history. The game has received a fair amount of praise from fans and critics alike, currently holding a critic score of 83 out of 100 on Metacritic, with emphasis placed on the game's story and fluid fighting mechanics. Though this early acclaim is a good sign for developer Netherrealm Studios, the game is not totally without detractors, though these specific critics may come as an unexpected shock.

In addition to the canon story mode which features three possible endings, Mortal Kombat 11 features alternate endings for its Klassic Tower Mode. These endings are character specific, showing what happens when the player’s chosen character gains the time altering abilities of the game's main villain Kronika. Some controversy has arisen with the ending of franchise staple Jackson “Jax” Briggs. After using the hourglass’ power to give himself and his family a happy conflict-free life, Jax then decides to use the power of the hourglass to retroactively erase the Atlantic slave trade creating a world that is, in his own words, "a better place for everyone.” And yet, some fans fault this ending as hateful pandering to anti-white progressives.

Keep in mind this is not the first time some have claimed Mortal Kombat 11 and Netherrealm are pushing a political agenda. Similar critics have shown concern that the women of the game have been designed to appease non-gaming progressives instead of Netherrealm's traditional base of loyal perverts. The design of four-armed subterranean dragon person Queen Shiva, for example, is quoted by a gamer with the username "DoMyDewXXX" as having "too masculine features to believably be a woman." Undead assassin Jade's appearance is also a point of contention for fan artist "SMEGMAlord80085," who claims the costume is unauthentic to the character and "very hard to draw erotic art for."

Netherrealm has stood by its story and aesthetic decisions, but also does not wish to alienate some of its consumers, which has led to an artful compromise. In an upcoming patch to Mortal Kombat 11, a new gameplay feature called "fragility" will be added allowing characters to perform actions that affirm the worldviews of people who think preemptively ending slavery is somehow bad. Fragility follows in the footsteps of the franchise's famous "fatalities," which are gruesome finishing moves performed by characters after winning a match and inputting a series of buttons.

If Jax's fragility is imputed, the cybernetically enhanced fighter will pull out and kiss a picture of Candace Owens he carries around. The god of thunder Raiden trades his iconic Asian Conical Hat for a MAGA cap if his fragility is used while sharpshooting mercenary Erron Black shoots his pistols into the air screaming his affection for Ted Nugent and the NRA. All female characters have the same fragility, which consists of them slowly disrobing while professing their desire for a gamer boyfriend who’s "not like the other guys."

Mortal Kombat 11 is available for purchase now for all major systems, and the fragility patch will be available for download sometime in the 3rd quarter.

*This article is satirical and intended for humor purposes only. The events of its contents, while based on reality, are in no way meant to inspire anything other than the entertainment of our readers.